I Am Sporticus

I woke up this morning, and for some reason this dunk was in my head. The game happened right after my birthday, and also after the death of my friend Eve Marie Carson. She was a beautiful girl and loved her Heels with a passion. Working with the Athletic Department, we were able to get EVE patches sewed onto the jerseys the day before the game. Eve loved Danny, and I wish I could have seen her face when this happened.

What is worse . . . being defeated during a fight because your opponent bit off your ear, or being defeated in a fight because your opponent punched popped the massive cauliflower ‘tumor’ hanging off your ear? Check out this massive-puffy-jiggly-bloody ear explosion that could only occur in a Kimbo fight.

In Japan earlier this week, singer/pop star Mariah Carey was asked to throw out the first pitch. Her efforts were more in line with bowling than anything else. Please, please let my daughter be able to throw a ball better than this:

If she weren’t absolutely gorgeous, I would heckle her instead of gawk if I were to see her in public. But a little more effort would have been nice in this case. The Japanese baseball team paid good money for her to throw out that pitch, and to even get her there.

*Sigh* Joakim Noah might be my most hated player in NCAA and NBA basketball. He is the son of a tennis star and also Miss (Random European Country . . . maybe Sweden). Either way, the kid is uglier than the backside of a 2 dollar bill. Just check out this dance after the NCAA Championship:

According to EPSN, he was probably high. Good news for the Chicago Bulls, because now their star rookie could be spending 6 months in prison. But they won’t have to worry about the prison guys fighting over him . . . he’s not much to look at.

Last week, the site www.fanmanual.com released a sub par list of “The Best Finishes in College Sports” with abundance of Duke plays and lackluster finishes. While I agree with his selection of Boise State in the Top 5, all the rest of the plays belong on the sidelines. While I would love to rank these finishes, I do not believe it is possible. So, here are the BEST finishes in college sports history that the site happened to leave out.

Appalachian State vs. Michigan - 2007

In what is deemed the greatest upset in college football history, the southern boys from a small North Carolina school upset one of the greatest football programs in the nation. The game wasn’t even televised in their home state, as impending defeat surely loomed for the Mountaineers. What they did that day will always be remembered.

The Guilford College Miracle Throw - 2006

Down by 2 points with 0.6 seconds left to go, Guilford College’s opponents miss a free throw which would surely end the game. However, Guilford guard Jordan Snipes, a small town boy from Siler City, NC had other plans 90 ft from the basket.

The Timeout - 1993

I love Chris Webber in all his glory, but when you are down by 2 points in the National Championship game, try not to walk then commit a technical foul during the last possession.

LSU vs. Kentucky - The Bluegrass Miracle – 2002

Kentucky drank the coolaid a little too early in this game. Plus you get a short glimpse at the “Hefty Lefty” . . . the “Pillsbury Throwboy” . . . and then an amazing catch for the win.

Trinity vs. Millsaps - 2007

15 laterals. 62 seconds. 7 players touching the ball. This isn’t only one of the most impressive single touchdowns of all time, it’s also one of the most impressive finishes.

Doug Flutie’s Miracle in Miami – 1984

Probably one of the most impressive and memorable hailmary’s in the history of college football to give BC the 47-45 win over Miami. Truly incredible.

NC State vs. Houston – The Dunk - 1984

When the clock was winding down, and all hope was lost, this desperation shot somehow found the basket. We all know how this ends.

This is a video that was actually sent by a UCLA grad to all 31 NFL clubs during the off season.

He’s:

1) A teammate

2) A Punter

3) A Holder

4) A Backup Quarterback

5) A Fake Punter

Absolutely amazing.

Weightlifting is cool, as long as you don’t become cock-diesel-ripped-out-of-your-mind-scary-steroid-guy. Not only does it look bad, but it’s also dangerous. Take for instance . . . when you lack the brain power to think “hey, I can lift lots of weight without a spotter!” . . . . FAIL.

Not too long ago, Barack Obama reportedly practiced with the University of North Carolina men’s basketball team during his trip to Chapel Hill. Surprisingly, Barack isn’t a bad baller. He can slice, dice, juke, jump and dribble with the rest of the players. I for one would like a president that can get respect on the court as well as in office. No look passes, blocked shots, a reverse layup . . . . Barack O’Balla has it all.

I guess the only question in my mind is if Hilary has any athletic abilities at all. Just one sport, that’s all I ask for in the next president. Hopefully a healthy president will send a message to the obese adults and children of America and we will no longer be one of the fattest countries in the world. That would be the day . . .

**Warning: The content of this article may not be appropriate for children or adults with weak stomachs.**

It is often said that in order to succeed in a sport that you must devote your entire life to eating, breathing, and drinking its fundamentals. Many people argue that today’s athletes would never give their life, body, mind or soul to the games they love so much. However, if you look at the long seasons, injuries, surgeries, and even deaths involved in the sports there is no way you can argue that they don’t care. Although the fundamentals of sports will never change, great strides have been taken to ensure that no athlete will ever have to give their lives in competition again. This article will not look at which sports “kill the fastest” or “are the deadliest”, but rather it will look at how the deaths or near deaths of these athletes have acted as a catalyst for officials to save the lives for others. These three sports pose the most threat to suffering injuries that result in death immediately or within minutes.

HOCKEY

Hockey poses the most gruesome instance of giving your life to play the game. Thankfully, this accident did not result in a death. However, it did open the eyes of the NHL commissioners and spark a series of equipment changes and safety overhauls. The date was March 22, 1989 and the Buffalo Sabers were taking on the St. Louis Blues. In the blink of an eye, St. Louis right winger Steve Tuttle broke loose with defender Uwe Krupp following close behind. As the Blues player blew by him, Krupp grabbed Tuttle, who then lost control as his feet left the ground. Standing in front of Tuttle’s flailing blades was the Saber’s goalie Clint Malarchuk. The image that unfolded was ghastly, heart wrenching, and would be burned into the minds of hockey fans for the rest of their lives.

Tuttle’s skate met Malarchuk’s throat mercilessly. The result was a gushing wound with blood spewing from his carotid artery. Malarchuk collapsed to the ground. The announcers stumbled to produce words, three of his teammates vomited on the ice, and the scene induced heart attacks in two fans. It seemed like the end for Malarchuk, as everyone watched helplessly as he stumbled across the ice on hands and knees while blood flowed freely. Luckily, his trainer, a Vietnam veteran, ran onto the ice to pinch off Malarchuk’s artery and saved his life. If it were not for the trainer, Malarchuk would have died in less than 3 minutes from loss of blood. In a post interview, Malarchuk added, “All I wanted to do was get off the ice. My mom was watching on TV, and I didn’t want her to see me die.”

Because of this accident, NHL officials sanctioned throat protectors to be worn by all NHL goalies. It was no longer the era of the “Jason mask”, but rather an era of putting an increased focus on safety . . . at least for the goalies. Similar incidents have happened to forwards and defensive men within the last decade. Bengt Åkerblom of Sweden died on the ice in 1995 from a laceration and earlier this year Panther’s forward Richard Zednik lost 5 units of blood after his artery was sliced. Although much could be done to increase the safety in hockey, not enough has been done to protect those “putting their necks out” besides the goalies. Here is a clip of the Malarchuk injury that he amazingly survived for anyone with the stomach to watch it.

NASCAR

Growing up in North Carolina, I would argue the death that had the most impact on any sport would be the passing of Dale Earnhardt during the 2001 Daytona 500 race. During the final lap of the race, Earnhardt was sideswiped and hit the wall head on at nearly 150 mph. The result was devastating as the “The Intimidator” lost his life on the track. The public was in shock as one of the all-time most influential figures ever in any sport had been lost. In what was known as the “Final Ride”, Earnhardt’s hauler made the long trip from Daytona back to Kanapolis, NC down I-85. Not one car dared to pass the hauler the entire trip and traffic was reportedly backed up for 2 miles with all headlights on full beam.
The death of Earnhardt was not taken for granted, however. Shortly after his death NASCAR officials called for research to be completed on possible head restraints. Speedway physician Steve Bohannon stated that the cause of Earnhardt’s death was a faulty seatbelt, which caused his head to violently strike the steering wheel. Later that year, Nascar began mandating the use of the HANS device (Head and Neck Support Device), which has been saving lives since. This 1.5 lbs device keeps the heads of drivers stable and prevents the violent whipping of the neck associated with many of the crashes.
Like the Malarchuk accident, NASCAR officials realized that there was a danger that needed to be addressed and completed a safety overhaul before anyone else was killed. Although the number 3 car will be missed sorely in the racing world, his death resulted in safer racing for future cars and drivers. These two examples show the proper response to accidents and the administration’s willingness to overhaul “tradition” for the safety of their athletes.

BASEBALL

When most people think about the dangers in baseball, the most common perception is the risk of getting hit in the head by a pitch. During the early days of the game, getting beamed by a pitcher did cause a number of deaths in the sport. The commissioners responded by requiring batters wear helmets to reduce the chance of injury and death. However, a known but rarely addressed danger in the game has increasingly been brought to the spotlight in the realm of college baseball.

College baseball players are just as big, strong, and fast as the professionals. The only difference is the bats they swing. The collegiate athletes swing aluminum bats with sweet spots and recoil that could never be produced by their wooden components. In 2000 the NCAA authorized that the maximum ball speed for any ball leaving the bat was 97 mph, 1 mph slower than a wooden bat. This was done to “address” the dangers in pitchers getting lined by the batter following a pitch. But on July 25, 2003 one game proved that this was not enough.
On this day, Brandon Patch was taking the mound in what would be his last game ever. His opponent was the much-anticipated cross county rivals, which boasted many D1 athletes or prospects. Brandon was just the average player on a team that would likely just the season and their baseball careers on that night. The opposing team featured Quinn LeSage, a 6’5’’ slugger that Brandon had managed to strike out earlier in the game. LeSage approached the plate and Patch gracefully began his windup. The pitch was delivered and all that was heard was a “ping” followed by a “thud”. Brandon collapsed back towards second place. He pulled himself into a sitting position and joked about how he “should have kept it down”. Soon after, Brandon collapsed and became unconscious. He would later die from swelling of the brain as a result from being hit on the temple.

This just goes to show that the athletes are growing stronger while the bats are becoming more responsive. Everyone in attendance or that saw the video of Brandon’s accident knew it was the speed and force of the ball coming off LeSage’s bat that resulted in his death. The NCAA and other baseball leagues have done nothing to address the dangers in aluminum bats other than making the “maximum” speed. With an enormous sweet spot, today’s batters have much better chances of crushing the ball, in some cases at the pitcher’s head. This recently happened to Notre Dame pitcher Wade Korpi as he took a 100 mph line drive off his head. Yes, the gun clocked the ball at 100 mph as it came off the bat . . . not the “maximum” 97 mph.

Wade was hospitalized and made a full recovery. The same cannot be said about Brandon Patch. His mother and father remain in the fight to outlaw the use of aluminum bats in all baseball leagues. Something needs to be done, just as it was in hockey and NASCAR.

In the 24 years of the Nascar All Star race, this year marked the first year since 2001 that a car did not disqualify due to a crash. Past races include the Waltrup’s getting tangled up, Davey Allison winning the race, then spending the night in the hospital that night, and even last season’s wreck caused by the Busch brothers.

Kasey Kahne, the winner, put it best in his post race conference when he stated:
“At the end, once I took the lead I was going, ‘man, no cautions, no cautions,’” Kahne said. “The last thing I wanted was a restart and to have somebody starting beside me, that was the last thing I wanted. So I was just hoping for no cautions and we didn’t have any and it worked out perfect for us [...] Everybody drove a great race to not have cautions.”

Although the majority of viewers are secretly hoping for a flaming, flipping, disastrous crash, it was nice to see a race ran to perfection. We root for it in baseball, Olympic Sports, and other competitions . . . why not Nascar?