I Am Sporticus

So I’ve never really been able to play pool. I lack the patience, steady hands, and vision required to tackle this game of physics with balls and sticks. However, I do respect the heck out of the people that can play the game with ease. There are so many spins and English’s you can put on the ball that some people can hit pretty much any ball on the freakin table.

We utilize animals in sporting events on many different levels. Whether it be the rodeo, horse racing, the running of the bulls, polo, or amateur Ethiopian camel wrestling, we rely on their skills and talents to help perpetuate our competitive spirits. But there comes a point when enough is enough and nature starts fighting back. But nature doesn’t fight in the traditional style of protests or nommin’ every athlete in site. Rather, they hit every man and woman sports junky where it hurts: by delaying the game. Hell hath no fury like a man’s game put on hold (manly equivalent to woman scorn) . . . and nature knows this.

Bambi’s mother was killed with a bullet . . . like nearly every other deer. Not sure if this deer died or not, but it had some pretty long airtime:

Sure this woman is old, but her love for the sport of golf will never die. It doesn’t require that much talent and her swing isn’t too bad. Nature just had a different definition of “birdie”:

The Big Unit is a very, very scary mulleted machine. With fastballs reaching triple digits from his 6’9’’ frame, not many players would stand in the way of one of his beamers. If baseballs could make humans die in a feathery explosion of awesomeness, this is how I would want to go:

The baseball thrown to the catcher is a premeditated straight line. If someone wanted to be hit by a ball, they know where to stand (or fly). It’s a little harder to determine where the ball is going in the sport of tennis. At least this player says a little prayer for the birdie:

Like the Randy Johnson pitch, this ball hits a bird. However, the batter still swings at the pitch while having 2 strikes. By far the weirdest strikeout ever produced by nature:

Rally Car: Cool. Jumping hills at 90 MPH: Cool. A cow coming out of nowhere: Not something you would see on a Chik-fil-A commercial.

Not many people like the Yankees, except for Yankee nation themselves. With that said, a great tactic used by Cleveland was to bombard the stadium with gnats while providing no bug spray for their visitors. Derek Jeter is eaten alive, and non-Yankees loved it:

As you can see, when nature fights back in sports it can have catastrophic consequences. While they lack the opposable thumbs necessary to challenge us in the sports, they have found great success in disrupting its game play.

This is what it means to get truly KOd. You don’t really have to be down and out, it is just the sheer magnitude of being hit so hard that you cant even catch yourself as you fall face down.

Sure, these aren’t exactly knock-him-out-roundhouse-holy-crap-i-saw-that-on-mortal-kombat style kicks. They are more like taps. But 128 in 60 seconds? The last 128 movements I did in 60 seconds were, well, lets just say it is not appropriate to discuss such matters on a sports blog.

I woke up this morning, and for some reason this dunk was in my head. The game happened right after my birthday, and also after the death of my friend Eve Marie Carson. She was a beautiful girl and loved her Heels with a passion. Working with the Athletic Department, we were able to get EVE patches sewed onto the jerseys the day before the game. Eve loved Danny, and I wish I could have seen her face when this happened.

What is worse . . . being defeated during a fight because your opponent bit off your ear, or being defeated in a fight because your opponent punched popped the massive cauliflower ‘tumor’ hanging off your ear? Check out this massive-puffy-jiggly-bloody ear explosion that could only occur in a Kimbo fight.

Durant averaged 20+ points per game for the SuperSonics despite the teams horrendous season. Durant received 90 out of the 125 possible votes in the voting for NBA Rookie of the Year Award. Take a look at the videos below which show exactly why Kevin deserved this accolade. Frickin awesome.